her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
