Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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