Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
