I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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