your thong is hanging out like whoa
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
