i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
