He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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