oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
