They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize