can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
