did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize