she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just invented taco cereal.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
