You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
