Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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