Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Randomize
