Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize