Don't you send me to vm
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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