you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
