Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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