I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Everyone says I win the strip club
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
