There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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