I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
