absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize