So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
false alarm, still single
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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