so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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