So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
