I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
