she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize