Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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