can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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