this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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