Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
