mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
