i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
