I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
