Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize