I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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