You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
