good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
