I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
