happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
