Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
