I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
