Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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