when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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