I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
