I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
