Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
