nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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