I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize