You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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