Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
