I want to walk on stilts...naked
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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