I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize