The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
