Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize