It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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