hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
