Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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