We named our party play list daddy issues
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize