did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
