When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize