I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize