I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
