The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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