Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
