When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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