I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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