I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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