I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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