those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize