I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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