using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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